Forgiveness.

     What does it mean to forgive? To me forgiveness takes place when you decide to let go of a situation in which you have been wronged. Forgiveness does not mean that you completely forget the transgression that has transpired against you. It simply is when in your heart you decide that you are not going to seek retribution and that you are going to move forward. 

     I believe the most difficult situations to forgive are those in which someone harms either one of your family members or someone you care deeply about. The documentary film we watched in class made a very interesting point when it interviewed the Auschwitz survivor. The man publicly prayed that God would not forgive the men who performed the heinous acts of violence to him and his family in the concentration camp. I thought for a long time after that about whether or not there are sins that we as humans simply cannot forgive. September 11 is the single most devastating event that I have been alive to see personally. I tried to put myself in the shoes of the families who lost loved ones on that terrible day. I honestly don't know if I would be able to forgive those men. I than thought of the Biblical story of Jesus Christ dying on the cross and how He prayed out for his accusers and asked God to forgive them. I feel like if I was in His place, forgiveness would have been the last thing on my mind. This idea I believe shows how powerful forgiveness really is. The truth is that in this world horrific things happen. We cannot do anything to prevent this. We can however try to move forward and help one another to rebuild.

     The easiest situations to forgive I believe are the simple day-to-day transgressions. My brother and I used to get into a lot of fights growing up. Often we would say mean things to one another. Yet after we had cooled down we would always participate in a sort of peace talk. We would forgive one another. These small spats are the ones that all human beings are a part of at some point in time and that we all should learn how to forgive early on. If we hang on to these insignificant squabbles, life will be a frustrating journey. The sooner we learn to forgive, the sooner we will find sincere peace.

Are you really listening?

      Have you ever had a conversation with someone who appeared to be utterly enthralled by your every word, but when you asked for feedback they had no idea what you were discussing? If your answer is yes, than you have most likely been the victim of pseudolistening. This is when a listener gives off the appearance of being attentive, but who's mind is in fact far far away. Pseudolisteners will look you directly in the eye, nod and smile as if they are following your conversation completely. While they are imitating these listening actions, they are probably in actuality thinking about a fight they had with their wife, how at lunch the waiter gave them ranch dressing instead of italian, or that they're going to sue Tums for failing to treat their indigestion.
     As human beings we have a million different thoughts swirling around in our heads at any given moment. This means that if a neighbor is going into a detailed analysis of the weather, we will most likely nod to be polite while thinking about something else that interests us.
     I find myself pseudolistening often. A lot of times people will come up to me and start talking about a topic that I really don't care anything about. So I smile, nod, and pretend that what they are saying is the most interesting thing since Edison's lightbulb. The truth of the matter is that in my head they are talking about the score of the Lion's game, the latest movie to hit theaters, or how terrible Justin Bieber's music is. I think that when it comes down to it, most of us at some point in our lives practice the "art of pseudolistening." It's hard work trying to listen intently to every single conversation you have with other people.

I'm really sorry...

     We have all messed up. Chapter 8 gives three main guidelines that should be included in an apology. These include: An explicit acknowledgement that the transgression was wrong, a sincere apology, and some type of compensation. The book goes on to say that "an apology will only be convincing if the speaker's nonverbal behaviors match his or her own words." (Pg. 292) Imagine you lied to your mother and she found out about it. She demands that you apologize for the transgression. Now pretend that while you are apologizing you start laughing uncontrollably. Will your mother believe that you are truly sorry for what you did? Of course not! (Unless of course you have a dumb mother) The truth is that unless your nonverbal actions support your apology, your chances of conflict resolution become very low.
     When I read this section in the book it made me think about all the apologies I've given over the years. It also made me think about all the times other people have said sorry to me. I remember when I was in grade school, this girl who shall not be named would go around and kick all of us boys in the shins. I remember on Friday every single boy in the class went home with bruised shins. Well as you can guess parents called in upset and the teacher made the girl apologize to us. The interesting thing was that when she apologized she was rolling her eyes and her tone was very insincere. There were no signs of remorse to accompany her words. Needless to say none of us believed much of what she had to say.

Actions speak louder than words. If you are truly sorry, you
will show you are sorry with your nonverbal
behavior.