Is Lying Always Unethical?

     When I was in the 2nd grade, Pokemon was immensely popular. My mother hated the cartoon and did not want me to involve myself in it. I remember this boy who lived behind my house always invited me over to play, and he had a large collection of cards. One day I decided that I would give him money so that the next time he went to the store he could buy me some Pokemon cards of my own. As time passed, I began to gather a large card collection. I would keep them in my pocket at all times so they were never out of my sight. Everything was going great until one gloomy afternoon I forgot the cards in my pocket and they went through the wash. My mother found the Pokemon collectibles and I was punished. I had lied to my mother and I felt horrible about it. Now this was a bad lie. Are there ever good lies? Can lies ever be ethical?

     In 1993, Steven Spielberg directed Schindler's List. The movie is about a wealthy businessman by the name of Oskar Schindler who becomes concerned about his Jewish workforce who is persecuted by Nazis. He ends up saving over a thousand Jews. In order to save all these people, Oskar lies on a daily basis. Is this type of lying justified? Chapter 9 from our textbooks presents the term benevolent lies. A benevolent lie is "defined by the teller as unmalicious, or even helpful, to the person to whom it is told." Was Oskar Schindler's lies helpful to his Jewish workers. It's difficult to argue that it wasn't. His lies saved over a thousand people's lives.

     When I read about benevolent lies my mind was drawn to my personal relationship with my girlfriend of three years. What do you suppose would happen if when she asked me what I thought of the dress she was wearing I answered that in my HONEST opinion, it made her look really fat? I don't even want to think about what would happen to me. I guarantee you I wouldn't be the same man I was before the incident. This idea shows me that at times, lies can be beneficial to both the listener and the sender. However, lies that are told for selfish reasons are definitely wrong. There are times when you need to tell the truth regardless of how it makes you look.

Disagreeing Messages

     Chapter 10 tells us that disagreeing messages say "you're wrong" in one way or another. The important idea to remember is that there are good and bad ways to go about disagreeing with someone. 

The most destructive way to disagree with another person is through aggressiveness. Aggressiveness involves attacking someone's self concept in order to inflict psychological pain. When I was in high school, I had a lot of noticeable twitches. I was always a nervous child. I remember kids used to call me names and make fun of me a lot. This would be an example of aggressiveness. The book says that "name calling, put-downs, sarcasm, taunting, yelling, badgering--all are methods of winning disagreements at others' expense." It is important that this type of disagreeing message be avoided because it can lead to severely damaging another person's self-concept. 

     Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly play 40-year-old, jobless step brothers in the film appropriately titled Step Brothers. There's a scene in the movie where the two of them are lying in bed for about ten minutes rattling off insults at each other. It's hilarious to watch. One says he is going to fill a pillow case with bars of soap and beat the other brother up, etc. Will Ferrell has made a lot of money by using aggressive messages in a comedic way. It is important however that in real life we are uplifting to others and avoid tearing them down. We need to leave aggressive messages at the cineplex.